LAWYERS ARE JERKS- The genesis of new pick-up lines!
OK, so this week I have been doing the batchelor thing. Since I don't have my normal household obligations, I took the opportunity to go to my office's happy hour on Thursday. Before this week, I had never been to the office happy hour. Accordingly, most people at work have not seen an appearance by my party alter-ego. But this story is not about me. It is about a friend of mine and his encounter with a colleage that didn't go so well. The funny thing is, we realized that when chatting up chicks in a bar, tone is everything...
So there we were, a bunch of municipal employees sitting at a long table on the outside deck of a local bar, enjoying $0.50 beer at a "summer deck opening" party. There were about 10 government lawyers, a couple of private practice lawyers, and some staff people. It was a fine group, and it was fun to see everyone socially.
Seated two chairs away from me was my buddy, whom we will call "Timmy". Timmy is a fine criminal defense attorney, and is fun to party with. After about an hour of drinking, a girl came around the corner and approached our table. She was about 5'8", really fit, wearing a micro-miniskirt, a tank top, tastefully done hair down to her waist, and 4" heels. She was, how you say? HOT. I was turned so that I could see her. She smiled, tossed her head back and said "Hey, Matt!" I was a little freaked out, first because she knew my name and second because I clearly was not recognizing someone that I should recognize. After about ten seconds it dawned on me who she was.
See, we get to see this girl at work from time to time. She has frequent interaction with the public, does a bunch of public speaking, and her employer requires her to wear a pretty strict uniform and to keep her hair up while she drives up and down the road meeting customers. I didn't recognize her in her "civilian" clothes, not to mention her "civilian" hair-do and makeup. Like I said, I figured it out in a few seconds.
Timmy didn't see her coming. She walked up to our table and stood between where I was sitting and where Timmy was sitting. Timmy was talking to someone across the table, when this girl tapped him on the shoulder and said: "Hey man, why did you appeal that case today?" Timmy rolled his head around, eyes down, and looked her up from her feet to her face. OK, here's the part about the lawyers being jerks....
In his "professional distance" voice, Timmy says: "Who are you, and why are you talking to me?" He used the same tone that King Edward the Longshanks used in Braveheart when he said "Who is this person who speaks to me as if I needed his advice?" right before throwing his son's gay lover out the window. I nearly spit out my entire beer. There was an entirely too-long moment of silence before three of us at once said her last name to Timmy. It still didn't process. I think he was in awe of her hot.
Anyway, she didn't stay with our group. (Imagine that!) I think she might have been offended. I was half-lit and it was one of those "correct timing" situations and I was laughing so hard at him that I was crying. We all got a good laugh at the situation. We all agreed that, unfortunately for us, Timmy's reaction is engrained into all of us because it has to be. Then we turned the conversation to how to improve on the delivery of that line.
I have been out of the pick-up business for a while, but I am still a student and apparently I have a new role as a sought-after "wingman". After everyone calmed down, I proposed that the very same line that had offended our friend could be turned around to work out as a great pick-up line. We worked it about ten different ways and reached some consensus that it was possible. We tried it out on a couple of strangers. It will take some work, but we will make it work. I have made derogatory nicknames into gateways for beautiful, successful relationships. I am sure that we can make this one work, too.
I'll try for more fun or substance later. Comment if you care to, and peace.
MATT
So there we were, a bunch of municipal employees sitting at a long table on the outside deck of a local bar, enjoying $0.50 beer at a "summer deck opening" party. There were about 10 government lawyers, a couple of private practice lawyers, and some staff people. It was a fine group, and it was fun to see everyone socially.
Seated two chairs away from me was my buddy, whom we will call "Timmy". Timmy is a fine criminal defense attorney, and is fun to party with. After about an hour of drinking, a girl came around the corner and approached our table. She was about 5'8", really fit, wearing a micro-miniskirt, a tank top, tastefully done hair down to her waist, and 4" heels. She was, how you say? HOT. I was turned so that I could see her. She smiled, tossed her head back and said "Hey, Matt!" I was a little freaked out, first because she knew my name and second because I clearly was not recognizing someone that I should recognize. After about ten seconds it dawned on me who she was.
See, we get to see this girl at work from time to time. She has frequent interaction with the public, does a bunch of public speaking, and her employer requires her to wear a pretty strict uniform and to keep her hair up while she drives up and down the road meeting customers. I didn't recognize her in her "civilian" clothes, not to mention her "civilian" hair-do and makeup. Like I said, I figured it out in a few seconds.
Timmy didn't see her coming. She walked up to our table and stood between where I was sitting and where Timmy was sitting. Timmy was talking to someone across the table, when this girl tapped him on the shoulder and said: "Hey man, why did you appeal that case today?" Timmy rolled his head around, eyes down, and looked her up from her feet to her face. OK, here's the part about the lawyers being jerks....
In his "professional distance" voice, Timmy says: "Who are you, and why are you talking to me?" He used the same tone that King Edward the Longshanks used in Braveheart when he said "Who is this person who speaks to me as if I needed his advice?" right before throwing his son's gay lover out the window. I nearly spit out my entire beer. There was an entirely too-long moment of silence before three of us at once said her last name to Timmy. It still didn't process. I think he was in awe of her hot.
Anyway, she didn't stay with our group. (Imagine that!) I think she might have been offended. I was half-lit and it was one of those "correct timing" situations and I was laughing so hard at him that I was crying. We all got a good laugh at the situation. We all agreed that, unfortunately for us, Timmy's reaction is engrained into all of us because it has to be. Then we turned the conversation to how to improve on the delivery of that line.
I have been out of the pick-up business for a while, but I am still a student and apparently I have a new role as a sought-after "wingman". After everyone calmed down, I proposed that the very same line that had offended our friend could be turned around to work out as a great pick-up line. We worked it about ten different ways and reached some consensus that it was possible. We tried it out on a couple of strangers. It will take some work, but we will make it work. I have made derogatory nicknames into gateways for beautiful, successful relationships. I am sure that we can make this one work, too.
I'll try for more fun or substance later. Comment if you care to, and peace.
MATT
posted by DTXMATT12 at 7:23 PM
4 Comments:
Hot chicks in a lawyer's office? What ARE the odds? I'm waiting for an office-based "DJ Matt" incident. Helloooooo Oranjestaaaaad!!
CHRIS:
Yeah, I don't think that DJ Matt will be showing up at any office parties. While I will admit that the fact I was offered a job as a "professional partier" in Oranjestad (and this remains prominently on my resume), professional standards can even keep a lid on me. Oh, who am I kidding? I went out on Friday too! Thanks for checking in.
MATT
Oh my gosh. Wow. hahaha.
I was present when he was offered the job of pro partier.
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